Hello Baby!

Your grandma is coming to see you today or tomorrow. Hopefully the rest of my family will get to see you soon. They’ve only seen

My sweetheart

pictures from Facebook and I know they would love to see you in person because the pictures don’t do you justice. I wish you were 6 weeks old already so I an see you smile more. You smile now but I think you’re just mimicking other people facial expressions. You’re so adorable and I don’t want you to grow up. I wish you can stay this little forever. Before I know it, you’re going to be off to preschool, then middle school then college and I won’t have an idea where the time went.

I’m going to cherish these moments while I can. You’re only this little once and right now I can protect you from the outside world with you in my arms. It’s so frustrating to know that one day I’m going to have to let you go, to live your own life. Just know that mom and dad loves you so much, you make us so happy. I never knew a love like the love I have for you existed but now I know. In a way you’re my hero, my little hero. You’ve saved me from depression and it didn’t take any pills to do so. I love you.

Love, Mom

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You Are A Handful!

Your dad went to class today so I guess this was the best time to get some blogging in before you wake up.

You’re a big baby and relatives are saying you don’t even look like a newborn. You’re a week old today! I guess it’s expected that you eat like a linebacker. What was wrong last night? I think you’re spoiled, people say you can’t spoil a newborn but I know better. I changed you, fed you, rocked you, but the moment I lay you down, you’re crying bloody murder. You love your mommy I know and I love you to death but last night I had to just go and let you cry it out. It hurt me so badly that I had to go through that. Your dad and I tried every thing to calm you down last night. You stayed up for most of the day and most of the night. It was 3:00 in the morning before you decided that one more feeding would be enough for you to close your eyes and go to sleep.

You’re still sleeping now but I’ll eventually have to wake you up and feed and change you. Hopefully soon me and your dad can get this night and day figured out with you. So many people love you already, but not as much as dad and I do.It was kind of funny though when  you peed on your daddy. He swore up and down it would be me you pee on first but it wasn’t. He wasn’t even changing your diaper and I just so happen to bend over and reach for something and missed the fountain works. I wish I could have seen his face.

You are a handful son but you make me so very happy. I thought with me being depressed that I would need the medicine they gave me to make me happy but you’re my medicine and you and your dad  is all I’ll ever need. I love you.

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My Birth Story

Never in a million years did I see myself as a mother. I was an advocate for no baby’s and no marriage. Now years later, I’m married and a mother and honestly it’s great. I’ve never been happier. Well, I’ve never been happy really; always depressed so baby Thumper in a way is my anti-depressant.

Okay, let’s get to the good stuff. June 9th was the due date for my bundle of joy but he decided that he should bake a little longer and so he did. He was done and ready to go June 14th. Before I get to all of that though let me just say, this will be a June I’ll never forget.

The aches and pains that hit me like a semi-truck out of no where were so overwhelming. For the rest of the pregnancy [May 26-June 13th] I had this agonizing pain on my left side, it was so painful that the sciatica went away and I suffered from that the entire pregnancy. The upside to it though, I didn’t feel any contractions, practice or real, I just felt my stomach tightening-sometimes. Well that changed come June 14th. I ended up with the worse abdominal pains…ever.

I made two hospital trips before the 3rd time I was admitted. The first time [June 7th], a day after my brothers graduation from High School. I went because the pain in my side was so gut wrenching, I wasn’t sure what was going on with my body. They checked me and saw that I was 3cm dilated and 90%effaced, so maybe the side pain were the contractions, oh how wrong I was though; just didn’t realize how much. The second time [June 12th] it was for pretty much the same reason but the pain was worse. How could the pain get worse is the question I was asking myself too. The nurses and midwives examined me again and I was still 3cm dilated but 100% effaced. They decided to schedule me an appointment on my due date to see my midwife. My midwife didn’t do this because she was sure that I was going to have him before Sunday. When that day came and she checked me I was 4cm dilated and she predicted that I would have the baby before that Sunday. Well Sunday came and went just like my due date and I was still pregnant. I made it through one whole day before I ended up at the hospital again. 3rd times the charm right? Well in this case, it was.

On the 13th I had this pain like I needed to go to the bathroom. I felt constipated and it seemed like when I did managed to go that it was helping with the pain. Well that wasn’t the case, I was actually having contractions and didn’t realize until the next day-9:30 at night. I’m sitting up in bed talking to my husband, and the pain got worse. I was pacing the room and for a minute. It would work but it would come right back. I had pressure in my butt and it simply felt like I had gas or something. So I’m still thinking I just ate something bad. The pain is increasing so Adam decides to call the midwife hotline atUniversity Hospital and she says that I’m having contractions. I’m now 5 days past my due date, still 4cm dilated and if they would have sent me home a 3rd time I was going to be pissed. They didn’t though, they admitted me to a delivery room and here is where I spent a hour in a half to an hour hoping the pain didn’t get worse. Let me just say, the ride to the hospital was a really bumpy one. Cleveland, Ohio should really do something about their streets instead of building new justice centers with faulty wi-fi and new CMHA [Cleveland Municipal Housing Assistance] buildings in crummy and violent neighborhoods.

Anyway, they admitted me and I’m in the bed feeling alright for at the time, when a RNcame in talking about she needs blood. I’m terrified of needles and there are only a few places where I can tolerate them; my hand and the side of my wrist aren’t one of them. I immediately started crying. Yea yea, I’m crying about a little prick in my arm and not the pain I will be going through the next day. I’m just glad my mother-in-law was there and my husband.

I managed to go without any pain meds for 6-7 hours and the contractions were brutal. They were all in my abdomen. I used all the techniques I learned at my Centering Pregnancy program at University Hospital; and even used a birthing ball. I walked and walked and walked and walked. A few times I had to wrap my arms around my husband and squeeze him, it gave me relief. Around 4 or 5:00 that morning, I was tired and couldn’t take the pain any more but I wasn’t ready for an epidural so I asked was there anything else to help me cope with the pain so I can at least get a rest/some sleep. The nurses said I can haveNubain but it’ll only take the edge off. Well that worked for about 30 minutes. I still managed to get a little sleep that morning though. The Nubain wore off a couple hours later and I wanted to get up and walk some more. I couldn’t because it was time for me to be checked to see if I dilated any. I was in excruciating pain and couldn’t handle it anymore so they gave me the big kahuna, the big macho compadre; the epidural. I was freaking out but not crying. So many people came in the room, even a nurse to coach me to stay calm. I had to walk out a few more contractions before I was sure I could sit down long enough. They stayed away long enough for me to get the Lidocaine put in and the contractions came back as the anesthesiologist was ready to put in the epidural. The coach was good because I kept my chin down and held that pillow; and concentrated on keeping still so hard that more amniotic fluid gushed out. Before I knew it was over and they were only in the room for 5-10 minutes.

I was disappointed in myself. I really wanted to go through with the pregnancy without any drugs but I guess I couldn’t. BUT! I got over it and I did what was best for me. I was tired and my feet were sore from walking through most of my contractions. I am proud of myself for last so long without the pain meds. I just practiced my breathing.

Well, when I got the epidural, come to find out, I didn’t dilated so they decided that I would need to be induced. They broke my water to see if that would progress labor and it didn’t. I went 2-3 in half hours in hoping the ball and walking would help but nope. They checked me again and I was still 4cm dilated. They told me that I will need a drug called Pitocin to induce help me along. They gave me the Pitocin and they checked my vitals every hour and asked me if I felt any pressure. For a while I didn’t until my midwife came in and checked me again. It was around 2-3:00 and I was feeling pressure. My Midwife came in the room and gave me some techniques on how to push like I’m using the bathroom…like I really needed help with that. Once again I was wrong.

Baby Adam

The first technique was to just push my legs up by my chest while nurses and family take turns holding them, while I hold my thighs and push. That didn’t work right away because I was pushing with my face. The second technique was the roll of a sheet long ways and have my husband hold the two ends while I hold the other end with my elbows. The key is for me to pull and to try and keep my arms close to my chest while my husband pulled. That worked a little. The third technique was for me to get up on my knees and squat over the back of the bed and push, that really worked but the first technique worked the best. The third technique was hard because I couldn’t feel my legs, especially my left one.

Well I transitioned between the third technique and the first technique for two hours, that means, two hours of pushing. I pushed and pushed and pushed and my family were saying “his head is RIGHT…THERE!” and when they would say that I would get tired. They even put a mirror up to my girly parts and showed me his head crowning. I was amazed and grossed out at the same time. When the midwife would say “push a little more” I couldn’t. It was frustrating. Around 1 hour and 45 minutes I was getting really pissed because they baby nurse was in the room and there were a lot more other nurses in the room as well. Well I pushed a few good times and I could feel everything. He came out with his arm up by his head and he was laying on his side. I wasn’t expecting him to be so big.

They put him on my stomach and I was so amazed, I actually gave birth. Something I thought I could never do but here I am, with a beautiful 8lbs 12 ounce and 22 inches baby boy laying on my belly getting his first breaths of air.

It was amazing, the husband was there the whole time looking at it all. He even cut the umbilical cord. If it wasn’t for my mother-in-law, my husband, and my sister-in-law I probably would have cried the whole time. It’s funny how the only time I cried

Baby Adam and I

was when they were going to poke with a needle. Wow.

I of course tore down there and need a large amount of stitches. I know one thing, when that crazy RN [it’s one in every hospital] came in an hour later to remove the epidural from my back I wanted to back-hand her. She gone walk up and say “this is going to hurt” and just ripped all the tape off of my back like she was waxing her legs; the epidural left with the tape all in one motion of course and I’m sure some of my back hairs.

It’s weird, all that pain I’ve gone through, I don’t remember what the pain felt like. I do know I don’t want to go through this again. I promise. I love my son but if he ask for a sibling I’m going to have to tell him no. He got plenty of cousins he can play with though.