A Letter to My Black Children

My Dear Children,

There are some things that I must tell you. I have to be honest. I can’t sugar-coat it, I can’t wing it. Nothing but the truth can be said about what I need to tell you.

You’re black.

Yes, you already know this, but what you may not realize is that society is going to look at you differently. Your skin color plays a huge part in how people treat you. I know, it shouldn’t be that way but it is. I cannot tell you why because I’m not exactly sure why. Just know that mommy and daddy loves you two very much.

To My Son:

My smart and handsome little boy. You’re going to be a very tall and possibly huge man. That and your skin color is going to intimidate people. There are going to be preconceived notions that you’re violent, angry, a thug even, just on that alone. You may – most probably will – get treated differently and probably harassed by law enforcement. Keep your head down, don’t get angry, respect them, don’t make any sudden moves, keep your hands where they can see them. Hopefully, the cop that day may not taze or shoot you anyway. If you know you haven’t done anything and you were just going home, don’t think it’s your fault. It’s not. It’s society. It’s hunting season and black people are getting killed at least 15 times a week at the time of this being written.

You will have to work 10x harder than the white man to get anywhere. The system is built to see you fail. Don’t let it break you. Show these people who are. You’re smart, independent and you don’t need to be white to get far. Don’t limit yourself to football or basketball just because someone took one look at you and say that’s all you’ll amount to. History tries to erase and take claim to everything we’ve created. We’re geniuses. If you want to be a scientist, a doctor, hell, even a race car driver, go for it. It’s your life.

Just know that society base their views on how dark your skin is. The lighter you are, the smarter they think you are. As a mom, I have to tell you these things because I love you. I wish there was someone there to tell these things to me when I was a child. I hope throughout the years as you get older that I have the strength and the knowledge to help you.

Cops are getting away with murder, the government is no better. Hell, you don’t have to be a cop to get away with murder, just be white. They don’t need a reason to kill you. Society doesn’t really need a legitimate reason to hate you, you just have to have a fucked up disposition that’s out of your control; your skin color.

┬áDon’t hate yourself, and please don’t hate me. I don’t want you to ever regret being born. Don’t give the racists or the bigots the satisfaction. Colorism, classism and racism is alive and kicking. It’s only going to get worse before it gets better.

To my daughter,

My sweet and beautiful daughter. Mommy loves you and your brother so very much. The world is going to treat you so unfairly, mama. You get paid less, especially if you’re black. But on the flip-side you’ll probably get a job faster than someone darker than you because you’re high-colored. People will ask you if you have a white parent, or “what are you, exactly?” Hopefully you have your father’s sense of humor and smarts to give them a quick and educative response.

You will have to work so much harder than anyone else to get a high-paying job. The work-force don’t take kind to women working. Especially if you go into welding or any other job where there are mostly men. Don’t let that stop you, mama. It damn sure isn’t stopping me.

Not only do you have to worry about how society sees you, you have to worry about how black women and men see you. Why? Because of your lighter skin. Black people are not kind to each other when it comes to things like that.

There are other things in life that you and I will explore together because as a woman, I’m still learning and realizing things for myself.

Life is not kind to us. We’re treated unfairly and are seen in a dirty light. As long as I’m living, you two won’t have to stand in that light alone. Your parents got your back. We can’t protect you forever or keep you from the world that’s out there. Everyone isn’t racist. Everyone aren’t bigots, or prejudice. There are genuinely nice and caring people out there, it’s just that there are fewer and fewer as time goes on. Keep your eyes open, be aware, be smart, be conscious, be safe.

Mommy and daddy loves you!

She’s Spitting Up So Much! | Do I Have to Stop Breastfeeding?

This is no regular spit up. She’s spitting up a huge amount every single time. It happens 8-20 times a day on average. It always reminds me of ‘The Exorcist’ when she does. When I’m holding her and she spits up it’s always a lot. It leaves puddles on the carpet and she wakes up in puddles of her own vomit. When she’s awake and laying on her back she grunts a lot – a whole lot.

When she’s spitting up she never look to be as if she’s in pain. She could be in the middle of babbling and she’ll spit up as if it was nothing. Other times she could be entertaining herself while laying down and end up choking on her vomit.

I’ve changed my diet many times and nothing I eat seems to change her amount of vomit. At this point, it’s more than just spit up, she’s throwing up. I don’t know what to do other than starting her on formula. It pains me to have to say that, it frustrates me that I have to think about it. I didn’t get a chance to breastfeed my son and I was so looking forward to breastfeeding my daughter for at least a year. Here it is, not even 3 months in and I’m stuck deciding on if she’s just allergic to my breast milk.

When I talked to her pediatrician, she told me to cut back on feeding her seeing as I make so much of it. She thinks she’s engorging herself because of how much I make. Well, I’ve tried that and there’s no change and it leaves her crying and screaming for more.

If you look at her, you couldn’t tell that she has a problem with keeping food down, she’s huge. She weighs a few ounces shy of 13 pounds. I honestly don’t know what to do here but to switch her food. I really don’t want to, but what else is there? If I change my diet anymore, I’d be stuck with just drinking water and eating unsalted crackers.