Lunatic on The RTA Bus

Just another day riding the RTA.

There are loons everywhere; even those that roam around among the general pop. Let me tell you about this one crazy loon on the bus. I got on the bus and put my son in the designated area for people with strollers. There’s this woman with her toddler and 3 month old son talking on the phone (very loudly may I add) in the seats across from me. The row in front of her is the crazy loon. She hopped and hopped from seat to seat on the bus; eyeing me like crazy loons do. She didn’t say anything to me, just smiled at the baby and gave me the evil eye. Anyway, the woman that’s talking loudly on the phone, using every curse wordknown to mankind. Wait, let me just get this out the way, I’m looking all around because I observe my surroundings. So I’m listening to everybody’s conversations, movements, sneezes, coughs, EVERYTHING…Moving on…

I guess the crazy loon thought the loud woman was talking about her on the phone with whomever because she got loud. She got loud right as the bus was rolling into the last stop downtown. She called this woman so many things in so little words, then threatened to beat up because she ‘wasn’t the one’. Now, a sane person would at least notice the phone up to someone’s ear. Then they would realize that they’re obviously talking to someone on the phone. Why this crazy loon thought the loud woman was talking to her, I don’t have the foggiest, but she was pissed.

The part where I wanted to kick some sense into her ass is now. She got up and pushed the stroller with the 3-month-old baby in it; really hard. My jaw dropped and I immediately had this knee-jerk reaction to slap the taste out of this crazy bitch’s mouth. My son was with me and the cops were close-by. She got lucky. Luckily, the woman and the police tracked her down and I hope she pressed charges.

I never been so disgusted with another human being since my ex Markiss. I so wished I hadn’t picked up my son from daycare so early and I was on that bus by myself with her. My anger is because of the lack of disregard for an innocent life. I cannot even explain how angry I got and how fast I stood up to swing at her.

What even disgusted me more is people let her get all the way into a building instead of holding her ass so the mother and the police, didn’t have to track her down. They watched this whole debacle go down and it seemed like the victim and I were the only ones pissed; liked they see crazy loons every single day on the RTA.

I just want 5 minutes alone with her so I can show her who the real loon is. Wait, scratch that.

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Necklace Day

That’s all it took for my son to entertain himself for hours. There’s thisnecklace that goes with one of my dresses. I just so happened to wear that outfit today to work. I also just so happened to stumble upon a simple pleasure of my son’s. I’m not too big on jewelry, I’ll wear it now and again but I digress. Well, anyway, my son took my necklace from me and decided that it was his toy and no longer my necklace. He played with it for hours – ever since I brought him home from daycare.  He played with it so long all over the living room he tuckered himself out and now he’s in his bed taking a nap.

If I would have known my son would play with a necklace and not climb all over me and my computer desk for hours on end, I would have given him plenty of necklaces to play with. This unexpected experiment taught me a valuable lesson: if my son finds something safe to play with and he leaves me alone, don’t pick him up, don’t call his name and if it’s only a wet diaper, don’t bother it. Just don’t bother him. Get my school work done, blog a bit, check emails, etc. Bask in all the glory and hope tomorrow will be another necklace day.

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You’re 13 Months Today & You’re Driving Me Nuts!

They say 1 is the new 2 and it could any more truer. If you could say “No!” like you really want to, you’d tire yourself out from exhaustion. I never seen a baby fallout as much as you. What I mean is even the most tedious things ruffle your feathers. I can’t type on my keyboard without you trying to yank my hand away from it. I can’t sit you down on the floor without you screaming at the top of your lungs. If I take something from you that you aren’t supposed to have, then all hell breaks loose. Good thing I didn’t have multiples…

Anyway, you’re 13 months today and I almost forgot; well, not forgot just didn’t realize what day it was. That’s how it is these days. You barely let mommy sleep and you’re getting into everything that you think you’re big enough to get into. The days blend together when there’s nothing on the agenda. This single mom stuff is really hard but I’ll survive it. That’s what I am, a survivor and you aren’t going to drive me insane; nuts yes, insane no.

Let’s see, what have you accomplished so far besides you saying “mama” so much to where I want to change my name to Dog…or…Cat…

You’ve taken 5 steps on your own so far. Soon enough, you’ll be running and then I’ll really have to keep up with you. Hmm, what else? Oh! You’ve finally got chewing down to a science now. I think that’s great and I’m so proud of you! What’s not so great is every time it’s time for mommy to eat, you want what I have even though you just ate and your stomach sticks out so far you look pregnant. You’re not saying any words yet (unless ‘mama’ counts) and I’m in no rush for you to start.

Well, I’m looking forward to these last 6 months of the year and can’t wait to see what next year have in store for us. I just hope you haven’t shot up like a tree before you get to try on all your new outfits I’m planning on getting.

Love,

Mom

25 Realizations of Raising A Little Person

This first year of being a mom has been a long one and from another person’s standpoint it’ll only get worse before it get’s better. They’re little people with a lot of attitude but they love the people who take care of them to death. They’ll drive you nuts but it’ll be your turn for payback soon enough…

The chance to snuggle your child is almost impossible. Ever tried snuggling a 12 month old while they’re awake? Yea, been there done that – won’t do it again. I have to wait till my son is conked out for the day to get my snuggles. I used to be able to kiss the bridge of his nose and hold him close. Now, I can’t even get ¼th of a snuggle without him wiggling, screaming, and pulling my hair.
Soon, you will no longer kiss them adorable little feet. I say this because they’ll eventually have an odor and unless you like foot odor on your lips, then by all means, kiss away.
They’ll want what you got all the time. I thought not being able to eat without my son staring me down until I gave him my food came later. Boy was I proved wrong today. I was eating a Hot Pocket when Adam dropped everything he was doing, crawled up to me and tugged on my shirt whining until I gave him what I had. He bullied me out of half of my Hot Pocket.
They will siphon all of your energy. When they are 2-4 months, you get to sit back and relax; watch them drool on themselves and squirm around on their bellies. You pretty much don’t have to move until it’s time to change, feed and burp them, and put them to bed. 6 months and up? Oh no. They want all of your energy and they will take it from you whether you think they can or not.
People will ask you questions you don’t want to answer. “Is he walking yet?”, “How old is he?”, “How tall is his dad?”, “How old are you?” You don’t want to answer these questions but you have to be nice to the old coot standing in line behind you at CVS.
When you think you’ve baby-proofed enough, they find ways to prove you wrong. It’s hard baby-proofing as it is but when they find ways to get into drawers you thought you secured, or you think they’re not tall enough to reach on top of your desk? Well…
Those slaps start to REALLY hurt. I mean REALLY hurt because they usually have a solid object in their hands or their hand is the size of a toddler’s foot. When they get that coördination right and they in that mood to swing at you, watch out! Then again, my son looks like he can palm a basketball. So imagine that plus not realizing the force and damage that little hand can do and you may want to sign him up for boxing lessons.
Pulling hair gets worse as they get older. The little tugs my son used to give my hair has turned into full-fledged yank and snatches. Mind as well start calling me patches because I lose a handful of hair a day.
Objectionable things some parents do in public with their children jump out at you like a tornado in a trailer park. Ever see a 3-year-old get out of a stroller, walk to the ice cream truck, pick his choice of sugar-on-a-stick, pay, get his change and then walk back to said stroller, and then watch his mom push him down the street like everything is fine as rain? I’ve seen this millions of times before I had kids, didn’t really bother me then; now it does.
You get more excited about the gift you got your child more than your child does. My 12-month-old doesn’t give a damn about the hunk of over-priced plastic I just bought him. If it lights up and keeps his attention for more than 5 seconds he’s fine. I however, simply cannot wait to see the reaction my son have when I hand him his over-priced hunk of plastic. He rains on my parade…every time.
They’re good at mind games. Ever pick up something your child threw on the floor just to have you pick it up again, just so they can throw it back down? It’s a never-ending cycle that I don’t realize I’m in until the 20th time I’ve picked up said object and handed it to him. He laughs, and laughs, and laughs — but don’t take it away then he cries, and cries, and cries. So I hand said object back to him and don’t pick it up when he throws it on the floor and he throws a tantrum. It’s do or die with this guy.
Based on how your child react to strangers will leave strangers open to tell you how good (or bad) you’re raising your child. My son smiles at everyone, almost at any given time. When he smiles at people they say, “Oh and he smiles!” They then look at me and say, “You are doing a good job raising your son!” So, if he didn’t smile at you and clap his hands, would you have told me I was doing a bad job at raising my son?
You become immune to changing diapers. They come in all shapes, textures, smells, and sizes but it phases you none whatsoever. It’ll be while before I’m done changing diapers but before I know it, he’ll be potty-trained and I get to say goodbye to diapers. Forever; or until I need them.
Catching vomit in your hand and think nothing of it. This is up there next to changing diapers on my not-so-ew meter. I realized after the first time my son barfed up a good piece of his meal on me and my desk that, it’s not so bad. It could have been worse. He could have been getting his diaper changed and in the middle of doing so, took a large crap that lands directly on my lap and I would have been fine with it. Yes ladies and gentlemen, it took flight and the last destination was indeed …my lap.
Your patience gets tested in every way possible. When they get to that age where they think they’re big and grown enough to do what they want, they test your patience. My son tests mine every single day. It’s amazing because he don’t realize that he’s trying my patience and I have a feeling he likes seeing mommy on the brink of pulling her own hair out. Like just now. He disconnected me from the internet leaving me believing I didn’t pay it this month. I’m checking my network connection, scratching my head wondering what could be the issue. He’s standing over there with my network cable in his hand staring at me smiling. He’s diabolical.
Sometimes age appropriate toys aren’t good enough. They want to play with your phone and computer and throw your things around the room like toys, as well.
You can walk around naked no more. After a certain age, you don’t want to desensitize your child with your unmentionables. I didn’t realize this until my ex-husband mentioned it to me. I love walking around in the nude. Now I’ll have to wait until my son moves out. A little part of me is dead on the inside because of that fact. 1 year down, 20 to go.
Your life is built around their schedule. It becomes even truer when they start school. I know this all too well help raising my siblings.
You may end up with a few bruises or a loose tooth if you don’t watch out. If you have one of those children who throws their weight around and by weight, I mean that big old cranium on top of their shoulders then you may want to get out of dodge if you haven’t already. Head-butting hurts you more than it hurts them.
They’re little noise machines. It keeps my son occupied when I have things to do. If he want to scream or bang on a pot and I got school work to finish, then he can bang and scream until he pass out from exhaustion. There’s a pitch though that I didn’t think existed in a little person.
When you’re not used to your child not being around, you kind of lose your mind. I realized this when the first time my son’s dad came and picked Adam up. I was watching a television show and I cut it down thinking, “Oh wait, my son is the next room sleeping, let me cut this down so I don’t wake him up”. Then I realized, he wasn’t here so I blasted my television as loud as possible; then I realized I have neighbors and cut it down just a smidget. I was able to get naked, go to sleep, take a walk. I almost forgot what it felt like to not have a child hanging off my hip.
They’re little con artists. My reasoning? Let me tell you. My son and I were at Burger King. I placed my order and was waiting to get my order. All the women behind the counter was swooning over my son. Calling him handsome, cute and chubby. He smiled and talked to them the best way he could. Why did they give him a free slushie? Where was my free slushie? Who do I have to con to get my free slushie?
They get away with murder! They get away with so many things until they’re old enough to know better. There have been times where I’ve said, “If you were older, slapping me with a sippy cup would have gotten you sent to the corner”.
They don’t care. They will go after what they want, when they want. If they don’t like you or if they don’t want you touching them, you will find out the hard way. That’s up there with getting away with murder.
They’ll be out of your hair before you know it. They’ll be grown, working, starting their own families and only showing up during the holidays. So I’m going to enjoy my rascal for as long and as much as I can.

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Dear Jealous and Bitter Moms

Yes, I did birth my son vaginally. No I did not have a surrogate mother birth my baby. Yes, I’ve always been a tiny little thing. No, I did not adopt my son (Really? He looks JUST like me!). And no you cannot hold him you crazy woman! And don’t you dare pinch his cheeks! I don’t even pinch his cheeks.

I was standing on E 9th fiddling with my phone, just got a message from my son’s dad. I answered his message and waited on the walk signal so I could cross the street when this woman came up and stood next to me. She took her nose out of the sky long enough to look down at my son and then at me. The conversation that followed was an interesting one: Crazy Baby Lady: Is that a girl? Me: No. Crazy Baby Lady: How old is she? MeHe just turned one. Crazy Baby Lady: You’re his babysitter? Me: No. Crazy Baby Lady: Oh! You’re his mom! He looks just like you! She then looks down at my son and says… Crazy Baby Lady: Hello sweetie! I just want to pinch your little cheeks! Me: … -Evil eye- Crazy Baby Lady: So, he came out of your little self? Me: …There are women who suffer from dwarfism and have no legs who have given birth vaginally. Crazy Baby Lady: You had a C-section, right? Me: No. Crazy Baby Lady: What did he weigh at birth? Me: Almost 9lbs. Crazy Baby Lady: -Laughs- You, gave birth, to him vaginally? Really?! Me: Crazier things have happened. Crazy Baby Lady: You must have been all baby! You’re…you’re so tiny! -giggles- Me: I’ve gathered that. Crazy Baby Lady: When I was pregnant I was huge! Never really lost all the pregnancy weight. I wish I was that tiny after giving birth to a whale. Me: -crickets- Me: The walk signal is taking longer to change today…