Baby | Black Secular Mama

Raising My Son Without Religion

Posted on August 8, 2012 by Lee

My family says, “Everybody needs to believe in a higher power”. Well, I don’t; neither does my ex-husband. I’m a true and strong believer of allowing people to form and make their own decisions in life. I wasn’t allowed that luxury as achild growing up. I either had to believe or get my ass kicked. That’s just the way it was. Getting forced to go to church is not cool at all. I’m not going to do that to my son with myAtheism; neither should his father.

I will tell him about religion – when he’s old enough and let him choose what he wants to do with it. I won’t be pressed either way. I’m living my life so I’m going to let him live his. To force my non-beliefs on him would be just as bad as his grandparents from his father’s side, forcing their beliefs on their son. I’m better than that and I will not live my life through my son.

That begs the question: Will he know about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny? What about leprechaun’s? He will know about those things and I will tell him about them. I will let him have his imagination and let him be a child. The only thing that I will though is give him the story of Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny from a book; a storybook for children. I refuse to sit on the side of his bed and tell him that Santa is bringing him gifts when I know full well I’m the one wrapping and putting his gifts under the tree. That credit goes to me, not some imaginary old fart with his flying reindeer.

I simply believe that there are things children should know and there are things that should wait until they’re old enough to get the concept. If he want to believe in a deity then so be it but I want it to be his choice, not mine. I won’t love him or see him any differently. He will always be my sweetie; forever and ever. Unless he goes out and murder someone then that’s a different story.

You’re born with love in your heart, religion is taught.

To say I need some “god” in the sky to be a sane, good decision-making, moral being is absurd. I know I do not need religion to raise my son. There will be holidays celebrated because it wouldn’t be fair to him if they weren’t. I don’t celebrate holidays but that was before I had a son. As a child, he’s not going to give a damn about the origins of it — hell – most adults don’t care or even know. Why would I complicate a holiday for someone who only care about the presents and food like most adults?

This mess about the Tooth Fairy? He will know of no such thing. I’m sure this blog will have some women ready to call CPS on me (because that’s how dramatic some of you mothers are) because I’m not going to tell him about the tooth fairy. I’m going to tell him to hand me his tooth and I’ll give him 5 bucks or whatever. I’m cutting out the middle-man. There will be much more room for superman dreams and fighter pilot imaginations.

“You’re ruining his childhood!” Oh please! Try living my childhood and you’d sing a different tune. I didn’t have a childhood. I didn’t get to experience a lot of things in life as a kid. I was a teenager when I first learned how to ride a bike, go to a park, go shopping, get a hug and for someone to tell me they loved me. What’s so screwed up about that, my family wasn’t the ones who allowed me to experience those things.

I will teach my son about equality, love, respect, and compassion. Things that actually matter, things that will help him in life. If that makes me a bad parent, then, I’ll be that.

Lunatic on The RTA Bus

Posted on July 23, 2012 by Lee

Just another day riding the RTA.

There are loons everywhere; even those that roam around among the general pop. Let me tell you about this one crazy loon on the bus. I got on the bus and put my son in the designated area for people with strollers. There’s this woman with her toddler and 3 month old son talking on the phone (very loudly may I add) in the seats across from me. The row in front of her is the crazy loon. She hopped and hopped from seat to seat on the bus; eyeing me like crazy loons do. She didn’t say anything to me, just smiled at the baby and gave me the evil eye. Anyway, the woman that’s talking loudly on the phone, using every curse wordknown to mankind. Wait, let me just get this out the way, I’m looking all around because I observe my surroundings. So I’m listening to everybody’s conversations, movements, sneezes, coughs, EVERYTHING…Moving on…

I guess the crazy loon thought the loud woman was talking about her on the phone with whomever because she got loud. She got loud right as the bus was rolling into the last stop downtown. She called this woman so many things in so little words, then threatened to beat up because she ‘wasn’t the one’. Now, a sane person would at least notice the phone up to someone’s ear. Then they would realize that they’re obviously talking to someone on the phone. Why this crazy loon thought the loud woman was talking to her, I don’t have the foggiest, but she was pissed.

The part where I wanted to kick some sense into her ass is now. She got up and pushed the stroller with the 3-month-old baby in it; really hard. My jaw dropped and I immediately had this knee-jerk reaction to slap the taste out of this crazy bitch’s mouth. My son was with me and the cops were close-by. She got lucky. Luckily, the woman and the police tracked her down and I hope she pressed charges.

I never been so disgusted with another human being since my ex Markiss. I so wished I hadn’t picked up my son from daycare so early and I was on that bus by myself with her. My anger is because of the lack of disregard for an innocent life. I cannot even explain how angry I got and how fast I stood up to swing at her.

What even disgusted me more is people let her get all the way into a building instead of holding her ass so the mother and the police, didn’t have to track her down. They watched this whole debacle go down and it seemed like the victim and I were the only ones pissed; liked they see crazy loons every single day on the RTA.

I just want 5 minutes alone with her so I can show her who the real loon is. Wait, scratch that.

Necklace Day

Posted on July 23, 2012 by Lee

That’s all it took for my son to entertain himself for hours. There’s thisnecklace that goes with one of my dresses. I just so happened to wear that outfit today to work. I also just so happened to stumble upon a simple pleasure of my son’s. I’m not too big on jewelry, I’ll wear it now and again but I digress. Well, anyway, my son took my necklace from me and decided that it was his toy and no longer my necklace. He played with it for hours – ever since I brought him home from daycare. He played with it so long all over the living room he tuckered himself out and now he’s in his bed taking a nap.

If I would have known my son would play with a necklace and not climb all over me and my computer desk for hours on end, I would have given him plenty of necklaces to play with. This unexpected experiment taught me a valuable lesson: if my son finds something safe to play with and he leaves me alone, don’t pick him up, don’t call his name and if it’s only a wet diaper, don’t bother it. Just don’t bother him. Get my school work done, blog a bit, check emails, etc. Bask in all the glory and hope tomorrow will be another necklace day.

You’re 13 Months Today & You’re Driving Me Nuts!

Posted on July 14, 2012 by Lee

They say 1 is the new 2 and it could any more truer. If you could say “No!” like you really want to, you’d tire yourself out from exhaustion. I never seen a baby fallout as much as you. What I mean is even the most tedious things ruffle your feathers. I can’t type on my keyboard without you trying to yank my hand away from it. I can’t sit you down on the floor without you screaming at the top of your lungs. If I take something from you that you aren’t supposed to have, then all hell breaks loose. Good thing I didn’t have multiples…

Anyway, you’re 13 months today and I almost forgot; well, not forgot just didn’t realize what day it was. That’s how it is these days. You barely let mommy sleep and you’re getting into everything that you think you’re big enough to get into. The days blend together when there’s nothing on the agenda. This single mom stuff is really hard but I’ll survive it. That’s what I am, a survivor and you aren’t going to drive me insane; nuts yes, insane no.

Let’s see, what have you accomplished so far besides you saying “mama” so much to where I want to change my name to Dog…or…Cat…

You’ve taken 5 steps on your own so far. Soon enough, you’ll be running and then I’ll really have to keep up with you. Hmm, what else? Oh! You’ve finally got chewing down to a science now. I think that’s great and I’m so proud of you! What’s not so great is every time it’s time for mommy to eat, you want what I have even though you just ate and your stomach sticks out so far you look pregnant. You’re not saying any words yet (unless ‘mama’ counts) and I’m in no rush for you to start.

Well, I’m looking forward to these last 6 months of the year and can’t wait to see what next year have in store for us. I just hope you haven’t shot up like a tree before you get to try on all your new outfits I’m planning on getting.

Love,

Mom

25 Realizations of Raising A Little Person

Posted on July 10, 2012 by Lee

This first year of being a mom has been a long one and from another person’s standpoint it’ll only get worse before it get’s better. They’re little people with a lot of attitude but they love the people who take care of them to death. They’ll drive you nuts but it’ll be your turn for payback soon enough…

The chance to snuggle your child is almost impossible. Ever tried snuggling a 12 month old while they’re awake? Yea, been there done that – won’t do it again. I have to wait till my son is conked out for the day to get my snuggles. I used to be able to kiss the bridge of his nose and hold him close. Now, I can’t even get ¼th of a snuggle without him wiggling, screaming, and pulling my hair.
Soon, you will no longer kiss them adorable little feet. I say this because they’ll eventually have an odor and unless you like foot odor on your lips, then by all means, kiss away.
They’ll want what you got all the time. I thought not being able to eat without my son staring me down until I gave him my food came later. Boy was I proved wrong today. I was eating a Hot Pocket when Adam dropped everything he was doing, crawled up to me and tugged on my shirt whining until I gave him what I had. He bullied me out of half of my Hot Pocket.
They will siphon all of your energy. When they are 2-4 months, you get to sit back and relax; watch them drool on themselves and squirm around on their bellies. You pretty much don’t have to move until it’s time to change, feed and burp them, and put them to bed. 6 months and up? Oh no. They want all of your energy and they will take it from you whether you think they can or not.
People will ask you questions you don’t want to answer. “Is he walking yet?”, “How old is he?”, “How tall is his dad?”, “How old are you?” You don’t want to answer these questions but you have to be nice to the old coot standing in line behind you at CVS.
When you think you’ve baby-proofed enough, they find ways to prove you wrong. It’s hard baby-proofing as it is but when they find ways to get into drawers you thought you secured, or you think they’re not tall enough to reach on top of your desk? Well…
Those slaps start to REALLY hurt. I mean REALLY hurt because they usually have a solid object in their hands or their hand is the size of a toddler’s foot. When they get that coördination right and they in that mood to swing at you, watch out! Then again, my son looks like he can palm a basketball. So imagine that plus not realizing the force and damage that little hand can do and you may want to sign him up for boxing lessons.
Pulling hair gets worse as they get older. The little tugs my son used to give my hair has turned into full-fledged yank and snatches. Mind as well start calling me patches because I lose a handful of hair a day.
Objectionable things some parents do in public with their children jump out at you like a tornado in a trailer park. Ever see a 3-year-old get out of a stroller, walk to the ice cream truck, pick his choice of sugar-on-a-stick, pay, get his change and then walk back to said stroller, and then watch his mom push him down the street like everything is fine as rain? I’ve seen this millions of times before I had kids, didn’t really bother me then; now it does.
You get more excited about the gift you got your child more than your child does. My 12-month-old doesn’t give a damn about the hunk of over-priced plastic I just bought him. If it lights up and keeps his attention for more than 5 seconds he’s fine. I however, simply cannot wait to see the reaction my son have when I hand him his over-priced hunk of plastic. He rains on my parade…every time.
They’re good at mind games. Ever pick up something your child threw on the floor just to have you pick it up again, just so they can throw it back down? It’s a never-ending cycle that I don’t realize I’m in until the 20th time I’ve picked up said object and handed it to him. He laughs, and laughs, and laughs — but don’t take it away then he cries, and cries, and cries. So I hand said object back to him and don’t pick it up when he throws it on the floor and he throws a tantrum. It’s do or die with this guy.
Based on how your child react to strangers will leave strangers open to tell you how good (or bad) you’re raising your child. My son smiles at everyone, almost at any given time. When he smiles at people they say, “Oh and he smiles!” They then look at me and say, “You are doing a good job raising your son!” So, if he didn’t smile at you and clap his hands, would you have told me I was doing a bad job at raising my son?
You become immune to changing diapers. They come in all shapes, textures, smells, and sizes but it phases you none whatsoever. It’ll be while before I’m done changing diapers but before I know it, he’ll be potty-trained and I get to say goodbye to diapers. Forever; or until I need them.
Catching vomit in your hand and think nothing of it. This is up there next to changing diapers on my not-so-ew meter. I realized after the first time my son barfed up a good piece of his meal on me and my desk that, it’s not so bad. It could have been worse. He could have been getting his diaper changed and in the middle of doing so, took a large crap that lands directly on my lap and I would have been fine with it. Yes ladies and gentlemen, it took flight and the last destination was indeed …my lap.
Your patience gets tested in every way possible. When they get to that age where they think they’re big and grown enough to do what they want, they test your patience. My son tests mine every single day. It’s amazing because he don’t realize that he’s trying my patience and I have a feeling he likes seeing mommy on the brink of pulling her own hair out. Like just now. He disconnected me from the internet leaving me believing I didn’t pay it this month. I’m checking my network connection, scratching my head wondering what could be the issue. He’s standing over there with my network cable in his hand staring at me smiling. He’s diabolical.
Sometimes age appropriate toys aren’t good enough. They want to play with your phone and computer and throw your things around the room like toys, as well.
You can walk around naked no more. After a certain age, you don’t want to desensitize your child with your unmentionables. I didn’t realize this until my ex-husband mentioned it to me. I love walking around in the nude. Now I’ll have to wait until my son moves out. A little part of me is dead on the inside because of that fact. 1 year down, 20 to go.
Your life is built around their schedule. It becomes even truer when they start school. I know this all too well help raising my siblings.
You may end up with a few bruises or a loose tooth if you don’t watch out. If you have one of those children who throws their weight around and by weight, I mean that big old cranium on top of their shoulders then you may want to get out of dodge if you haven’t already. Head-butting hurts you more than it hurts them.
They’re little noise machines. It keeps my son occupied when I have things to do. If he want to scream or bang on a pot and I got school work to finish, then he can bang and scream until he pass out from exhaustion. There’s a pitch though that I didn’t think existed in a little person.
When you’re not used to your child not being around, you kind of lose your mind. I realized this when the first time my son’s dad came and picked Adam up. I was watching a television show and I cut it down thinking, “Oh wait, my son is the next room sleeping, let me cut this down so I don’t wake him up”. Then I realized, he wasn’t here so I blasted my television as loud as possible; then I realized I have neighbors and cut it down just a smidget. I was able to get naked, go to sleep, take a walk. I almost forgot what it felt like to not have a child hanging off my hip.
They’re little con artists. My reasoning? Let me tell you. My son and I were at Burger King. I placed my order and was waiting to get my order. All the women behind the counter was swooning over my son. Calling him handsome, cute and chubby. He smiled and talked to them the best way he could. Why did they give him a free slushie? Where was my free slushie? Who do I have to con to get my free slushie?
They get away with murder! They get away with so many things until they’re old enough to know better. There have been times where I’ve said, “If you were older, slapping me with a sippy cup would have gotten you sent to the corner”.
They don’t care. They will go after what they want, when they want. If they don’t like you or if they don’t want you touching them, you will find out the hard way. That’s up there with getting away with murder.
They’ll be out of your hair before you know it. They’ll be grown, working, starting their own families and only showing up during the holidays. So I’m going to enjoy my rascal for as long and as much as I can.

The Big One

Posted on June 14, 2012 by Lee

Hey sweetie,

You’ll be one today! There are a lot of babies that don’t make it to see one hour, let alone 1 year. Therefore, I am grateful to have you in my life. I’m taking this time to express how much you mean to me, how much you drive me crazy, and how much I wish you didn’t have to grow up.

Today was a test of the wills when you decide to get a hold of my calendar/notepad and rip days off the back and front. You had calendar sheets littered in your playpen, outside your play pen and under my desk. Granted I should have kept up with the calendar and even ripping of the expired days but, I digress. I knew something was up when I tuned you back in after tuning you out to do my school work to hear a bunch of paper rumbling behind me. It sounded like a baby rolling around in a paper-filled play pen. I turned around and saw just that. You were so into what you were doing you didn’t even notice the noise I was making looking for my camera to take a picture (or a few) of you and your toy of the day. You were caught red-handed buddy and I have a feeling there will be more days like that.

Today was the day that you finally put those four teeth to some use. Youchewed and chewed and chewed; you enjoyed your breakfast lunch and dinner and I enjoyed watching you enjoy it. It made me feel accomplished and I know you felt accomplished too. I thought you would be 18 months old still getting hand-fed by your dear old mom but you got the hang of it and I knew you would. Mommy is proud of you.

You’ve taught me so much in the year you’ve been here so far and I’m a better person, a better mother because of you. I thought you would you think I was a failure of a mother and that I couldn’t do anything right. With my hair all over my head my shirt hanging from me, and with one pant leg up and one down; I could look like the wicked witch of the west and you’d still love me. The way you reach out (or grab and tug on my shirt) and say, “ma-ma“, it gets me most of the time. Sometimes though, I wish my name was “dog” because you’re wearing “ma-ma” out.

When you were first-born I was so scared that I thought you could smell my fear and you would reject me as your mom. Sounds crazy I know but it’s true. When you gave everyone in the room the finger, I kind of felt bad because you acted like you didn’t want to come out. I’m sure when they laid you on my tummy, you were giving me the evil eye through closed lids. I was so scared when they put you on my tummy, I didn’t touch you at first until the midwife told me to help wipe you off. I was in such a daze; much of that day is a blur. I don’t remember who handed you to me after you got wrapped up. All I know is that you were finally here and even though I was afraid, I was happy to see you.

It’s hard to believe it’s been a year and at the same time, it feels like you’ve been here with me forever. One minute you can’t hold your neck up for long periods of time and the next, you’re trying to walk while holding on to someone else’s leg. You’re getting so big so fast and I’m afraid that time is moving too fast. I wish it could slow down just a bit so I can spend time with you while you’re still a baby; you’re practically a man now! You got 3 in a half teeth – with another one sprouting through, you’re eating adult people food now, you call me Goku and, everyone absolutely loves you. That classifies you as a man little dude.

Now that you’re officially a man, it’s time to get rid of Mr. Binky and Mr. Bottle. I know I know, you like to lay back in your lounger and drink your troubles away but, that’s not going to fly. You’re going to be mad, and frustrated, and probably wish you had the eye-hand coordination to throw your sippy cup square in my mouth, but, that’s too bad, you’re not about to be 1 going on 2 still drinking from a bottle. This is going to hurt me more than it’ll hurt you. So, get mad, fall out, kick them adorable feet in the air, and scream like you just don’t care; I’m putting my foot down and that’s that.

You are a handful but mommy loves you so very much. You keep me on my toes and I’m grateful for that because boy do I need it.

Today is going to be an interesting day, I know that for sure! I hope it goes smooth as possible because the sooner you get to put your hands in your cake (and make a mess) the better.

This ride is no where near over and I’m going to enjoy myself along the way. It’s going to be some bumpy roads and a few dead ends but we’ll get through them together. I promise.

Love,

Mommy

20 Questions I’d Liked to Ask My Son

Posted on June 13, 2012 by Lee

You’re going to be one soon and I love you so very much. It’s just, there are things that baffles me and then there are things that keep me wondering. You are a fascinating little creature and I wish you could answer my questions for me but I digress…

What do you dream about when you fall asleep?
What be so funny when it’s dead silent all around us?
Why must you pull all mommy’s hair out and scream like a banshee while doing so?
Why did you call me Goku?
I never been slapped by a baby before; it’s a new experience for me. When you hit me for the first time, why did you have to be holding a full bottle of milk?
Why does my pain bring you joy?
Why must you sit still for a diaper change long enough to get the diaper off then you break away at the first chance once the diaper is off? Do you realize you have crap all over your booty?
Do you realize how much mommy loves you?
What goes through your mind when you think mommy is leaving you when she’s only in the next room getting scrambled eggs out of her hair?
It’ll be a year Thursday, hasn’t the excitement of seeing me worn off yet?
Why do you have to grow, can’t you stay a baby forever? For me?
Your cheeks scream, “kiss me!” all over them. Why? I swear you’re made of sugar.
What is it about the flushing of the toilet that have you running for the hills?
You have a belly button, why don’t you poke yours?
What do you think your first memory will be?
Why must your biological clock go off at 6:00 every morning?
What’s so fascinating about mommy toes that you want to stick them in your mouth and use them as a teething ring?
You’re just a year old (almost) and you look like you could be 2. Why are you so big?
Why do you drink your juice from your sippy cup but refuse to drink your milk from your sippy cup?
Who told you about Queen‘s Bohemian Rhapsody and when did you grow to like it?

What Did You Call Me? Goku?!

Posted on June 12, 2012 by Lee

Yes, my son called me Goku. Who would have thought my son’s first word would be Goku? Nah he didn’t intentionally call me Goku but it was funny. I was eating (oh the irony!) and he was in his play pen watching a movie I had on for him. I turned to him to say something and he smiled at me and said, “Goku”.

He wasn’t babbling, or screaming, or laughing, or squealing prior to him calling me Goku, he was just standing there watching Astro Boy. I love Dragonball Zby the way and I found it odd that my son said that out of the blue. It’s odd because he only babble ma-ma, na-na, and does this funny baby-talk with his tongue hanging half-way out of his mouth. I didn’t even know he knew how to make a ‘guh’ sound before today. Anyway, I couldn’t do nothing but laugh because it took me by surprise.

I would like to believe that Goku is his first word but it’s all coincidence because he hasn’t said it since. No, I’m not teaching my son the name of the characters from Dragonball Z. I haven’t seen Dragonball Z since 2005 and probably won’t watch it ever again; well after my son is old enough to understand that he cannot do what is being done in the anime. A level of understanding of reality needs to be established before I allow him to watch a PG rated anime. Same thing goes for video games too.

In other news, my son will be 1 this coming Thursday and I’m excited because that mean I manged to make it through one year of parenting without pulling my hair out. My son on the other hand don’t even realize what’s going on and is just happy to pull out mommy’s hair for her.

All Babies Are Born Light-skinned – What?!

Posted on June 8, 2012 by Lee

I was browsing Mommy-ish and came across this article about Beyoncé‘s pregnancy and birth being fake (even I sort of kind of believed she had a surrogate) and ventured down to the comments. One of the commenters made such a disgusting and asinine statement that all Black babies are born “light-skinned”. I wish I could send her an e-mail asking her what planet did she come from? I raised my siblings and one of my sisters are much darker than I. She was born that complexion. To say that if you’re of Brazilian or Caribbeanbackgrounds especially – you will always come out light-skinned. Unless she’s god, I don’t see how she knew for sure that all babies are born light-skinned.

I’m making this an issue because of how naïve people are. Not all babies are born light-skinned, some are just born with the color they will be, more often than not, very dark-skinned babies already have their color or level ofMelanin. While a baby may seem light-skinned, usually within the first six month the Melanin begins to darken the skin to the tone it will be for a long time.

If you want proof of dark-skinned babies, watch a mother give birth to one on one of those birth shows on TLC.

Yes, I’m infuriated. It’s that kind of mindset that keeps us mad (and being total hypocrites) when someone of a different race calls us the same word that most black people use (nigga). Stop the foolishness.

My Son and His Bad Day

Posted on May 31, 2012 by Lee

Everyone has a bad day and today was Adam‘s bad day. It didn’t start of bad but it ended badly. Today Adam achieved a major milestone today. Finally my son has got the concept of chewing. I gave him Cheerios and put on his bib and watch him figure out why they’re on his high-chair table. After watching me eating a few of his Cheerios, he got the gist (somewhat) that the Cheerios are to be eaten, not thrown on the floor (where most of them ended up anyway). I am so proud of him and I gave him praise when he managed to put them in his mouth and actually chew on them and not gag and then throw up whatever he managed to get down.

Towards the afternoon-evening-ish, Sir Adam the Great got a bit fussy. I couldn’t figure out what the problem was. He was fed, changed, I held and entertained him but nothing seemed to work. Then it dawned on me that his top teeth are cutting his gums. I slapped some baby Orajel on them puppies and he ate most of it but he was still fussy. He practically cried for the rest of the evening until he fell asleep. I didn’t like that my baby was unhappy but I had to realize that babies have bad days and I guess today was Adam’s bad day.