My postpartum depression was nothing like this with my son. I would say it was worse; I ended up in the psych ward. As far as the severity of the depression goes it’s different. I’m not even sure if I should call what I’m feeling right now as depression. I’ve been happy and feeling good about myself for weeks and now it’s like a dark cloud is looming over me and I feel like shit. I hate life right now. My son will be home tomorrow from being with his grandparents for the holidays. I miss him. Other than that, I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I’m not tired, frustrated, mad, sad, or even in pain. I know I’m sick and tired of the bleeding from my nether regions though. I though breastfeeding was supposed to help with that? I guess not.
As I sit here trying to figure out why I’m suddenly wishing I could just curl up and cry my pain away, I’m also wondering how long is this going to last. It’s like the feel good emotions was a figment of my imagination; it’s all a blur. I want it come back. I need it to.