Maybe I’m Undeserving..

My son is awesome, he’s great, he’s the apple …of my eye. On the other hand, he can drive me nuts, and he runs me ragged. I would pull my hair out if he wasn’t already doing it himself. Between school, work and other responsibilities, I find myself  tired more and more these days. I don’t exactly have a support system. My ex-husband tells me every weekend that he’ll come and get the baby for the weekend and he never does. He either have excuses or he changes his mind. I don’t want to complain but this mom is worn out. There’s absolutely no one that I can let my son spend time with so I can get 5 minutes to myself. Maybe I want to pamper myself, or sit and read? Am I undeserving of those comforts now? I know those kinds of things stop when you have children but I shouldn’t have to wait till my son goes to sleep to start on school work or have time to myself. I should be able to do these things during daylight hours.

I was so looking forward to having a little time to myself this weekend; I had my hopes up for nothing. I now – when I think about it — notices a pattern; he’ll (ex-husband)disappear from planet earth from Friday to Sunday evening. That night, he’ll text me saying why he couldn’t spend time with his son; why I couldn’t have 2 measly days to myself.

This is my schedule from Monday to Thursday:

  1. Get ready for work.
  2. Take baby to daycare.
  3. Go to work.
  4. Finish work for the day.
  5. Pick up son.
  6. Go home.
  7. Feed son.
  8. Entertain son until that night.
  9. Start on school work.
  10. Go to bed.

Fun, right? Not! Don’t get me wrong, my life could be worse but even still, am I that undeserving of a little me time? I’m afraid of what’s going to happen to my mental state after awhile. I may tune out my hopes of having such privileges and start thinking like a machine; I feel like one.

I’m simply, getting sick of the run around with my son’s father. Then when I get on him about what he says he’ll do, I’m the one that has to “relax” or be patient”? Really? I’ve been patient. I’m taking care of my son with no support from him whatsoever! It’s like I don’t have a right to be pissed, to be tired.

Well, I need to cut this short and get in the bed and get as much sleep as I can before my son wakes up at 3 and then at 5 wanting to play.

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