The Big One

Hey sweetie,

You’ll be one today! There are a lot of babies that don’t make it to see one hour, let alone 1 year. Therefore, I am grateful to have you in my life. I’m taking this time to express how much you mean to me, how much you drive me crazy, and how much I wish you didn’t have to grow up. 

Today was a test of the wills when you decide to get a hold of my calendar/notepad and rip days off the back and front. You had calendar sheets littered in your playpen, outside your play pen and under my desk. Granted I should have kept up with the calendar and even ripping of the expired days but, I digress. I knew something was up when I tuned you back in after tuning you out to do my school work to hear a bunch of paper rumbling behind me. It sounded like a baby rolling around in a paper-filled play pen. I turned around and saw just that. You were so into what you were doing you didn’t even notice the noise I was making looking for my camera to take a picture (or a few) of you and your toy of the day. You were caught red-handed buddy and I have a feeling there will be more days like that.

Today was the day that you finally put those four teeth to some use. Youchewed and chewed and chewed; you enjoyed your breakfast lunch and dinner and I enjoyed watching you enjoy it. It made me feel accomplished and I know you felt accomplished too. I thought you would be 18 months old still getting hand-fed by your dear old mom but you got the hang of it and I knew you would. Mommy is proud of you.

You’ve taught me so much in the year you’ve been here so far and I’m a better person, a better mother because of you. I thought you would you think I was a failure of a mother and that I couldn’t do anything right. With my hair all over my head my shirt hanging from me, and with one pant leg up and one down; I could look like the wicked witch of the west and you’d still love me. The way you reach out (or grab and tug on my shirt) and say, “ma-ma“, it gets me most of the time. Sometimes though, I wish my name was “dog” because you’re wearing “ma-ma” out.

When you were first-born I was so scared that I thought you could smell my fear and you would reject me as your mom. Sounds crazy I know but it’s true. When you gave everyone in the room the finger, I kind of felt bad because you acted like you didn’t want to come out. I’m sure when they laid you on my tummy, you were giving me the evil eye through closed lids. I was so scared when they put you on my tummy, I didn’t touch you at first until the midwife told me to help wipe you off. I was in such a daze; much of that day is a blur. I don’t remember who handed you to me after you got wrapped up. All I know is that you were finally here and even though I was afraid, I was happy to see you.

It’s hard to believe it’s been a year and at the same time, it feels like you’ve been here with me forever. One minute you can’t hold your neck up for long periods of time and the next, you’re trying to walk while holding on to someone else’s leg. You’re getting so big so fast and I’m afraid that time is moving too fast. I wish it could slow down just a bit so I can spend time with you while you’re still a baby; you’re practically a man now! You got 3 in a half teeth – with another one sprouting through, you’re eating adult people food now, you call me Goku and, everyone absolutely loves you. That classifies you as a man little dude.

Now that you’re officially a man, it’s time to get rid of Mr. Binky and Mr. Bottle. I know I know, you like to lay back in your lounger and drink your troubles away but, that’s not going to fly. You’re going to be mad, and frustrated, and probably wish you had the eye-hand coordination to throw your sippy cup square in my mouth, but, that’s too bad, you’re not about to be 1 going on 2 still drinking from a bottle. This is going to hurt me more than it’ll hurt you. So, get mad, fall out, kick them adorable feet in the air, and scream like you just don’t care; I’m putting my foot down and that’s that.

You are a handful but mommy loves you so very much. You keep me on my toes and I’m grateful for that because boy do I need it.

Today is going to be an interesting day, I know that for sure! I hope it goes smooth as possible because the sooner you get to put your hands in your cake (and make a mess) the better.

This ride is no where near over and I’m going to enjoy myself along the way. It’s going to be some bumpy roads and a few dead ends but we’ll get through them together. I promise.



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