“It’s Going to Get Worse”

My son was fussy all day today and I couldn’t find the reason behind it. It didn’t look like his gums were bothering him, he didn’t have a fever, he wasn’t hungry, he didn’t want to be held so I figured he was just being fussy. Boy was I wrong…

The after effects of my son spitting out his food at 50mph…most of it didn’t get past his double-chin.

Today Sir Adam the Greatturned 8 months and you know what this little rascal gave me? A diaper that was so scary I had to call up my grandmother and ask her was it normal for my nose to run away from myface after smelling what just came out of my son. Well, she said yes and to add insult to injury she went on and said, “it’s only going to get worse”. Well, I don’t want it to get worse.

Well, let me just say how it all went down. My son is sitting in his lounger playing with his binky, his dad’s cell phone, and a wireless PlayStation 3controller. All of a sudden he’s looking at me with the most serious look on his face and starts grunting. Mind you, he stopped doing all that grunting a couple of months ago and you pretty much had to pick him up to get a whiff of his diaper surprise he had brewing for you. Well, he’s sitting there focusing on taking a crap by burning a hole through the back of my head (I’ve turned back around and continued what I was doing until he was finished) while grasping the PS3 controller. When he was done I look down and I immediately wanted to call the CDC. The contents of his dirty diaper was alive and had made residence on the side of his lounger, on his dad’s phone and binky (he’ll never use that binky again). When I picked him up to lay him on the diaper changing mat he was dripping it all over the place.

He got it on the carpet, on him, on me, everywhere. To make matters worse, he kicks when he’s excited to see me. As you may know the mess he created was all over his onesie and he decided to kick himself in the genitals so now it’s all over his feet.  How he ended up getting it on his chest I’ll never — wait, I know how — never mind. He had the nerve to get mad at me because I was holding his ankles to do damage control.

His father wasn’t here and when he returns he’s going to be upset about his phone, at this point I don’t care. I’m running around the house looking formedical gloves because no way was I touching that with my bare hands. I take drool in the mouth, spit up on my shoulder, food particles flying 40mph aimed directly at my face but not this. I finally found what I was looking for but I couldn’t bring myself to change him just yet. I cleaned up the mess he made on the carpet, I cleaned up everything else; I was looking for excuses to find something to clean up. 2 minutes have gone by and I finally muster up enough courage to get the deed done.

That diaper warranted a bath so I gave him one and let him marinate in his sleepy time lavender bath wash. He enjoyed bath time; smiling at me and splashing the water while looking up at me with those innocent eyes. All I could do was look at him and say “you could have told me that’s why you were fussy” and shook my head and watched him continue to splash water in his face. After the bath he was relaxed — in a daze of nirvana, so I put him in his swing and eventually fell asleep without incident.

After all of that, I would do it again. I love my son and he’s the best thing to ever happen to me.

Happy Valentines Day.

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